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How to Discuss a Prenup with your Fiancé

Posted on May 29, 2019

Talking finances is an uneasy conversation at any time and even more so when you’re about to get married. Whilst a prenup may be really beneficial for both of you to have some financial certainty in the event of divorce or death, most of us mistakenly believe that prenups are only for celebrities and the wealthy.

In reality, with around half of marriages ending in divorce, considering a prenup is actually a way to be financially responsible and if it’s broached in the right way, can only serve to increase the level of trust in a relationship. So how do you raise such a difficult topic with your fiancé?

How to discuss a prenup with fianceStart early and choose the time wisely

If you’ve been together for a long time and have some understanding of each other’s finances, you may consider introducing the idea of a prenup before you are engaged. If your future fiancé is really against sharing financial information, it’s better to know sooner rather than later that there may be a trust issue.

If that’s not possible, start the conversation as early as possible prior to marriage because it might take multiple chats before your fiancé is ready to have the discussion and that’s perfectly fine – a gradual approach is best so long as that’s not causing constant arguments.

Choose a good time and place to first mention it. A time when you’re both in a calm and relaxed mood is ideal and definitely don’t try to do it in public or mention it jokingly. A joke can be easily brushed off as just that and you might not be taken seriously about it the next time.

Provide reassurance

Whenever possible, keep reassuring of the reasons for you requesting it, and that’s not because you’re expecting to divorce or that you’re trying to protect your own interests.

  • It’s a way that you can both feel protected should the worst happen.
  • You both have personal assets that you’re bringing into the marriage and it is important to deal with how you will treat property in a separation
  • Compare a prenup to other real-life situations that are practical but equally mundane such as creating a will – you wouldn’t want someone else deciding what happens to your assets after your death and it’s the same principle for a prenup
  • A cohabitation agreement, for example, may contain provisions to deal with the parties’ marriage
  • Keep in mind that a prenup and a marriage contract are the same thing and that you can enter one after marriage as well (something to consider when one party stays home to care for a child, for example).

Tread carefully

The key is to remain calm throughout any discussions and try not to be demanding or overly emotional. You will need to slowly bring your partner around to your way of thinking without alienating them at what should be a happy time in both your lives.

Be mindful that raising the subject of prenup could lead to discussions about other matters that were never previously a concern. A prenup may well include provisions to ensure that person is protected in the event of divorce, should they give up their career for the marriage or children.

Get professional advice

It’s important to use a qualified lawyer who will draft a professional agreement that is fair to both parties, doesn’t miss out on vital details and will stand up in court.

We have family lawyers with specialist knowledge and experience of drafting such pre-marital contracts and would be happy to help you work through any concerns and questions you have. Contact us to schedule your free consultation.


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